Nerd (spoken):

I just hate these office parties,
and I never get kissed.
I know, I'll go stand over
by the mistletoe, and I know
one of those babes is gonna kiss me.
Look, it's Betty from accounting,
look at the bozzongas on her.
She's coming closer, closer,
come to papa baby...
Oh shoot, she walked right on by me.

Prof (spoken):

One of the longest enduring symbols
of the holidays are mistletoe,
whose botanical name
is plantius kissius.
The ancient Egyptians used the plant
as a potion d'amore or love potion,
'til it was discovered
to be a deadly poison.

Office girls (spoken):

Look over there by the mistletoe,
see, it's Bob -- Oh no,
just like last year,
I don't know what his problem is
What a dweeb, as if anyone
would actually kiss him

CHORUS:

I'm gonna get, a kiss I know,
stationed here at the mistletoe
All the girls, they can't resist,
Looks like now, I'm gonna get kissed

Nerd (spoken):

The hallway just didn't work out,
but there's more mistletoe
over there by the food.
It's gonna work this time,
I just know it. There's JoAnne.
She's not bad. I mean, I wouldn't
kick her out from under the mistletoe.
She's coming closer,
I'll just pucker up, closer, closer...
Oh, shoot, she walked right by me again.

Prof (spoken):

Mistletoe was first brought to
the Americas aboard the Mayflower
in 14 hundred and 92.
At the first Thanksgiving,
the pilgrims tied some of the plant
onto a kite and flew it high
over the festivities, thus initiating
centuries of goodwill between newcomers
and their Native-American friends.

Office girls (spoken):

I'd like to get something to eat,
but he just keeps standing there.
How many bologna roll-ups
has he eaten anyway?
I don't know, how many were there?
Everyone's gonna want to kiss
Mr. Dogbreath now.

CHORUS:

I'm gonna get, a kiss I know,
standin'  here by the mistletoe
All the girls, they can't resist,
Looks like now, I'm gonna get kissed

Nerd (spoken):

I've been standing under the mistletoe
all night and not one single kiss.
I mean the bologna roll-ups were good,
but I think I'll just go home.
Oh, get a load of this, it's Thomasina
and some of her girlfriends from
the loading dock. Hand me a harpoon.
Wait they're coming this way,
you don't think they're gonna...	

© 1992 Eaglestone Music