The Music Business      Chuck Hughes   Ascap

“The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, 
A long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs
There's also a negative side”
No one exactly said that, but if they did they wouldn'a lied
Whoever commits suicide is totally justified
Now I'm not sayin' playin' live ain't a lotta fun
'Cept drivin' home a hundred miles on highway 101
'Cause the bartender loved you so she bought you lots of drinks
And you hope a cop don't stop you and tell you what he thinks
Now it's not exactly pay-to-play it's just called ticket pre-sales
You bought a hundred from the club, you hope you get some resales
You been spare-changin' since noon, but there's not enough for dinner yet
And the fans love your music, they all burned it off the internet

Will you humor me a little bit, just a little while?
Go ahead and snicker, go ahead and smile
'Cause my freestyle's gonna be mighty vile
I'm just another cat who thinks he can 'cause he went and saw Eight Mile
I've ripped off Chuck Berry and Robert Johnson's blues
I've ripped off B.B. King and Jimi Hendrix too
I even rip off Jesus when I say “What would Jesus do?”
And If I like your shit I'll probably rip off you, too
'Cause I'm just a country boy who came to Hollywood
To learn the music business and do the things I should
So I can pay the Whiskey to play down on the strip
And pray they don't tell me I'm totally unhip
Whoops just kiddin' I bet you couldn't guess
You see the music business is one big fuckin' mess
The A&Rs are idiots who usually oppress
Each new hopefull sucker they send into distress

So a month or two goes by, and you burn off your illusions
And you're wonderin' how you're gonna pay the rent
'Cause your childhood in Hollywood is suffering intrusions
And you haven't made a single lousy cent
So you're swearing that tomorrow you'll be getting up early
And you won't quit 'till you find yourself a gig
Tellin' everyone you meet you had a couple lessons
From the guy who used to be in Mr. Big
And nobody's impressed but they smile and nod “Yes”
And tell you that they like your new tatoo
And they play along well 'cause they never will confess
They were hopin' they could get a gig from you
Got your demo in your pocket everywhere you go
'Cause you never know just who you're gonna meet
I met a ho named Jo, looked like Marylin Monroe
Said that she was livin' on the street
I took her to the Sky Bar but they wouldn't let us in
So we had to settle for the Rainbow Room
She ordered  sumpim' triple
I ordered up two aspirin
When the jukebox started playing Warrant tunes
She said her trade was skin and she starred with Rin Tin Tin
Then she popped a Vicodin and said “Where do we begin?”
So I ordered Gordon's gin and chased it with a Heineken
And listened to her story of the things that might have been
She said “I might as well tell you I'm a millionairess
Perhaps you know my sister, her name is Paris
She wants to be like me, so she makes movies too..
We're looking for a costar, perhaps it could be you”

I told her “not right now, not in my condition,
Even though I desperately need money for tuition”
She said “shut up, let's go, you're having your audition
This time tomorrow night you'll be on Inside Edition”
Funny how things work out, fate's little twists and turns
One day you're eatin' Ramen, the net day life upturns
But I'll tell you all a secret, I always knew it would
I love the music business, Hooray for Hollywood!