Welcome to the Phoenix, the budget Martin Ashley's
The Motel 6 of rehabs, it's nicknamed, "cousin Frankie's"
They throw you into detox, now it's time to dry out
And if you feed the cash box, in four weeks you can buy out
Mr. Green struttin' with his bad balk, Fr. Martin babblin' 'bout some chalk talk
Two county fairs and a goat freakin'
But I never seen nothin' seen like The Phoenix

The rules and regulations are posted on the back door
The new administration gets toasted on the top floor
The counselors' advice is straight out of the text boox
By day he analyzes, then moonlights as the night cook
Zarconi starts the game by saying, "Zulu"
Demo wakes you up with a, "Boo Boo"
Two county fairs and a goat freakin'
But I never seen nothin' seen like The Phoenix

Big Tom makes a road trip to the Wawa
Caffeine and smoking, they are caca
Two county fairs and a goat freakin'
But I never seen nothin' seen like The Phoenix

By the time I left the Phoenix, I wrote my farewell letter
They told me I was not cured, but hoped I would be better
Pickle goes to Boca with his hat off
DHM will take care of that bad cough
Fatma does the wild ride on all fours
Top cop looks for contraband in your drawers
Two county fairs and a goat freakin'
But I never seen nothin' seen like The Phoenix