I got Santa Claustraphobia, I'm skipping Christmas this year
No missletoe or presents, forget that Holiday cheer
No messy pinetrees stinking up my den
I'm not going through all that crap again
I got Santa Claustraphobia
And Santa won't be coming here

I mean, what's up with that fat guy wearing the bright red suit
And that long bushy white beard, and those North Pole cowboy boots
I heard he over works his reindeer
And his elves don't even get paid 
His wife's filing for divorce
And his kids just hurt my brain

I got Santa Claustraphobia, I'm skipping Christmas this year
No missletoe or presents, forget that Holiday cheer
No messy pinetrees stinking up my den
I'm not going through all that crap again
I got Santa Claustraphobia
Santa won't be coming here

You know, Old Saint Nick, he's up to his old tricks, just like he was before
He'll drink your milk, and eat your cookies, and leave crumbs all over the floor
He'll put chimney soot on your carpet
And dirty footprints down the hall
He does it every single year
Man, that guy's got some gaul

And I got Santa Claustraphobia, and I'm skipping Christmas this year
No missletoe, no presents, forget all that Holiday cheer
No messy pinetrees stinking up my den
I'm not going through all that crap again
I got Santa Claustraphobia
Santa won't be coming here
I got Santa Claustraphobia
Santa won't be coming here
I got Santa Claustraphobia
And Santa Claus won't be coming here



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